


ii. angst

by alexlittleklc



Series: dreamies collection [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Biting, Bruises, Emotions, Fighting, Getting high, Hickeys, M/M, Multi, Serious Talks, Tension, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vomiting, bad ways of dealing with aftermath of fighting, describing how to clean wounds, drunk boys, everybody is feeling sosososo much, feeling pain from cleaning wounds, getting sick, jeno talks other people into harming himself because he thinks he deserves it basically, lying, non consecutive sleeping schedule, non consensual but also consenual (it gets explained i promise), sad boys, self harm methods, sexual themes??, they literally sleep in the morning and wake up the next day, tired boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:21:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25215406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexlittleklc/pseuds/alexlittleklc
Summary: jeno and jisung get in an argument and jeno storms out; thus involving the other members. mark and jeno meet up and more trouble ensues. everyone's emotions are running high and jaemin honest to god just wants to sleep.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le, Lee Jeno/Mark Lee, Lee Jeno/Park Jisung, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin, Na Jaemin/Park Jisung, Na Jaemin/Zhong Chen Le
Series: dreamies collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826803
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	ii. angst

**Author's Note:**

> it's so angsty and sad i'm sorry but the ending makes up for it i promise!!! (at least i hope it does)
> 
> **PLEASE READ***  
> there is graphic explanations of wounds and how jeno talks mark into hurting him because he thinks he deserves it. (reason why i tagged it self harm) they make a lie at jeno's suggestion because he doesn't want to be found out and make it sound like the bites were non-consensual. they in fact were but mark goes along with it because he has feelings for jeno
> 
> 7/12 - i will edit in the italicized parts tomorrow but for now im going to head to bed!!
> 
> 7/13 - all parts have been updated!! thanks so much for the support overnight~ it means the world to me xoxo <3

when jaemin wakes up late in the night it’s to the faint sound of tapping. he opens his eyes and is surprised to see their baby’s face being illuminated by the light of his phone. he’s tapping furiously on the already-cracked-screen, letting out a groan softly under his breath. 

‘dammit, chenle! you’re not being fair.’ his complaint is whispered with venom, frustration growing evident on his face. jaemin moves his arm to wrap around jisung’s chest in instinctive comfort, flinching a bit when the younger jumps in surprise. he can only presume the game is paused when chenle lets out a whine from wherever he is in the room - ‘ah, hyung. did we wake you?’ 

jaemin shakes his head, yawning wide against jeno’s comforter. he props himself up on his elbow, leaning forward a bit to spot renjun occupying the other side of jisung. the chinese boy is laying on his stomach with his arm wrapped low around the younger’s hips, mumbling short phrases of chinese into the mattress. 

‘mh. where’s chenle and jeno?’ jaemin sees the fire light in the maknae’s eyes at the mention of jeno’s name and comes to the conclusion that things haven’t gotten worked out between the couple. chenle makes a soft noise at the mention of his own name, raising a hand and waving cutely at his hyung in hopes of breaking the tension. ‘sorry if we woke you, hyung.’ jaemin yawns as he sits up fully and stretches, finally catching sight of the almost maknae sitting on a couch pillow propped against the wall. 

‘you didn’t; don’t worry~ why are my babies not asleep yet?’ jisung openly shrugs, turning his phone off and dropping it onto his chest. jaemin doesn’t think to ask why all of them are crammed in jeno’s room and on his bed because it’s normal for members to seek out cuddles even if someone is sleeping. after his walk in (and very quick walk out, thank you very much) on a heated nosung argument in the early afternoon, he can understand why any of them would need cuddles. 

‘just not tired yet, hyung.’ jisung mutters as he lets his arm fall and start to play with renjun’s hair. 

chenle scoffs as he mimics the younger, dropping his phone on the carpet, ‘not true. he’s sulking, jaemie hyung.’ 

jaemin glances back at jisung, eyebrows raised in question. jisung reaches up to fix the older’s bedhead, flush appearing quickly on his cheeks from being caught in a lie. ‘where’s jeno, sungie?’ 

‘snuck out with mark.’ the oldest dream member’s name is said with tension behind it and it only makes jaemin’s confusion grow stronger.  
‘what do you mean “snuck out with mark?”’ it must’ve come out a little harsher than intended because milliseconds after he asks, chenle makes a noise and silently opens the door. he motions for the boys to take the conversation to the living room and jaemin agrees, helping jisung to move renjun off gently. 

the trio walk out and shut the door, sitting themselves in the living room after turning a lamp on for some source of light. jisung hugs a pillow close as jaemin fixes him with a look, eyes full of concern. 

‘i know you guys fought this afternoon,’ jaemin starts, knowing very well that jisung doesn’t like saying things if he thinks he’ll get disciplined. ‘can you start by telling me what it was about?’ 

chenle sends the youngest a nod as he wordlessly grabs his hand. jisung clears his throat, ‘nothing new. i wanted him to open up to me about what he’s feeling and he just...didn’t. said the same old things and told me to just drop it. it’s nothing that surprises me but…’ 

chenle can visibly see jisung’s pain so he finishes the sentence; ‘but it still hurts. you want to help him but he won’t let you.’ they all hear a squeak but chose to ignore it, too focused on trying to address the situation. ‘i’m guessing you guys haven’t spoken since this afternoon?’ jaemin asks. 

jisung shakes his head no, twisting a ring on chenle’s finger, ‘no. we started yelling and i guess i said something he didn’t like because he walked out. manager-nim texted the group chat soon after stating that he had him and they were going out to help him calm down. honestly i felt really bad because i thought we woke you up.’ jaemin shakes his head no because honest-to-god he had no idea that the fight even got to that point. he was so tired when he got home from his overnight shoot that all he wanted to do was crash and when he laid on jeno’s bed, that’s exactly what happened. he’s kinda just accepted by now that no one in nct dream will ever have a normal sleeping schedule. 

‘well i know that now.’ jisung lets out a tense chuckle before sighing, accepting chenle’s hand squeeze as a sign to continue. ‘he came back right as chenle and i started our vlive. that was around like...9-ish? he didn’t say anything and changed his clothes before he left again. it made me more angry, honestly, but i didn’t let the fans know, y’know? we finished around 11 because that’s when renjun hyung got home. we knew you were still asleep so we all went and laid down with you. that’s why you woke up to us all in there.’ jaemin smiles at the endearing thought. 

he furrowed his eyebrows again, however, when he remembered a key detail, ‘wait. how’d you know he’s out with mark?’ 

jisung rolls his eyes and after flinching away from jaemin’s hit, he answers; ‘hyung was on his phone when we were all laying down. he fell asleep pretty quick but forgot to turn his phone off and i saw a notification from jeno-’ 

‘park jisung, are you serious?!’ as close as the dreamies may be, they still had unspoken rules that everyone followed. one of the top ones was not to touch something unless it was yours or you got permission. jaemin knows for a fact that jisung got no such thing. 

‘yes, hyung. i know it wasn’t right but i was angry and i just wanted to know what he was saying! and besides, i may have been angry but i was still scared that i didn’t know where he was. all the text said was that he was staying out with mark hyung and that taeyoung hyung didn’t know about it so renjun shouldn’t say anything.’ 

‘and look what happened.’ all three members jump in surprise before turning in sync to see their oldest leaning against jeno’s doorway. he’s abandoned his shirt and stole a pair jeno’s pajama pants that hang loose on his tiny waist, arms crossed sternly across his chest. chenle holds in a laugh when he spots the obvious bed head (really offsets the whole stern, disappointed hyung look he’s going for.) ‘park jisung, my phone is mine. not yours.’ 

jisung shrinks back, ‘i know hyung. i’m sorry. how long have you been there?’ 

‘since you started talking in detail about the fight.’ oh. that’s what the squeak was. 

jaemin stands up, walking over and running a hand through renjun’s hair. ‘you shouldn’t be keeping secrets, hyung. we all would’ve been worried if jeno just left. remember our rules?’ he wraps his arms around renjun’s tan waist and starts pressing tired kisses to his shoulder and collar bone. 

renjun hums at the affection, grabbing jaemin’s hands to intertwine their fingers. ‘don’t touch another person’s things?’ 

jaemin chuckles, ‘no, the other one.’ 

‘don’t fuck each other unless your nosung?’ jaemin bites gently at renjun’s pulse-point and flicks his side as an obvious ‘no’, the older chuckling at the response. chenle just rolls his eyes at the two and pulls jisung close, pressing a soft kiss to jisung’s forehead. jisung hums tiredly, snuggling down. chenle gives affection from time to time but since he hasn’t lived with the rest of the dreamies for a while, he’s fallen out of the habit. he still accepts kisses and cuddles happily but he’s learned to tone it down because he’ll go back to his mom’s and feel empty without them. it’s sad but it’s the truth he’s learned to deal with. 

‘ah, you’re talking about how we should always tell each other where we’re going because we’re all anxious little shits?’ jaemin pushes him slightly, ‘i could do with less cursing, but yes, that’s the one.’ 

renjun chuckles and pecks his lips, ‘you act like the babies don’t say worse stuff than we do.’ jisung pouts at that. he’s good at watching his mouth!

jaemin rolls his eyes fondly as he turns back around, locking eyes with the two youngest. ‘alright, my babies~ time for you to go to bed.’ the duo sit up fast, protests overlapping each other. 

the oldest rolls his eyes before speaking up, ‘shush up and listen to your hyung. i want you two to get changed and come right back here. think about where you want to sleep on the way.’ when the two don’t move, renjun puts on a stern face, ‘go.’ 

they groan and complain the whole time but after a while they return to the living room, casual clothes swapped in favor of soft pants and thin, old t-shirts. they all decide to sleep in jisung and jaemin’s room, the youngest muttering about how he doesn’t want jeno to even think of coming back to bed with him. renjun and chenle give them kisses and hugs before they claim jaemin’s bed and head inside the room, leaving the duo alone. jaemin clicks his tongue at jisung’s comment, pulling the baby close to give him some much needed comfort. 

jisung lets out a yawn as he allows himself to rest against his hyung’s chest and wraps his arms around him, giving him a squeeze. ‘c’mon, hyungie. let’s lay down.’ jaemin chuckles at his baby before pulling his head back to give him a quick peck. ‘i’m gonna stay up, sungie. you go lay down and i’ll be in after a while.’ jisung isn’t dumb - he knows that jaemin is staying up to make sure jeno gets home safe - but he is feeling clingy and his hyung already has to deal with jisung being sad, he shouldn’t force himself to deal with jeno as well. besides, jeno would more-than-likely wake up renjun hyung if he needed anyone. 

‘hyuuung~ noooo. i wanna cuddle. please? come cuddle with sungieee~’ jaemin melts at jisung’s tired aegyo and settles with giving him a gentle kiss. jisung pouts into the kiss, speaking against the older’s lips, ‘this isn’t cuddling or laying down.’ jaemin outright laughs at that, quieting down when he earns two harsh shushes from their chinese members. he rubs the maknae’s arms before turning him and pushing him into their shared room. ‘go, jisung. or i’ll be mad.’ 

jisung pouts and walks over to his hyung confidently, scrunching up his face cutely before giving him a quick peck and running into the room. jaemin coos out loud before shutting the door for them, making his way to the front door. he unlocks it and walks to jeno’s room, flicking on the light and starting to clean up. 

he loves his hyung but this isn’t the first time jisung and he have fought over jeno’s stubbornness to share his feelings. in the older’s defense, it’s how he was raised. they talk about it often because jaemin was raised very similarly - the motto to always give back, be kind, and see the goodness in others. never let your sadness or anxiety get in the way of you having a life. you grow up thinking everyone is going to believe the same thing but you realize fast that some people will just hurt you and so you put up walls. in jeno’s case, his own internal homophobia plus his family disapproving of him just made him build the walls faster. it’s way harder now to get him to open up than it ever was, and it makes jaemin worry constantly. 

he fixes the pillows and gets down an extra blanket before deeming it clean enough and exiting to the living room. he settles down on the couch and sighs, looking around for where he threw his phone once he got home. he finds it halfway under the coffee table and unlocks it, sending jeno a simple text of, ‘get home. now.’ it’s labeled as read a couple minutes later before he receives a blurry photo of what looks to be jeno and who he can only guess is mark. 

it’s an hour later when the door is pushed open and jeno clumsily enters. jaemin stands and walks over, surprised to see mark enter after him. usually mark finds a way to get back to his own dorm, not follow jeno home. the older smiles and sends a wave, flicking the light on as he kicks off his shoes. jeno seems to spot him because he breaks into a smile, pulling his mask down with a loud, ‘minnie!’ he walks closer and grabs jaemin’s face, kissing him hard. jaemin recognises the taste of alcohol and something smokey when jeno’s tongue invades his mouth before he pushes him off hard, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

jeno pouts, ‘but you love my kisses, minnie. what’s wrong?’ jaemin looks up to meet bloodshot eyes and his heart drops, the smokey aftertaste making sense now. mark pushes jeno softly out of the way as he wraps himself around jaemin, smiling hard into his shoulder. ‘missed you min. have you been good?’ 

jaemin tilts his head down to smell mark’s jacket, silently gagging when the scent of smoke invades his nose. he gives mark a small hug back before looking back to jeno. ‘you’re high, aren’t you?’ jeno’s face heats up as he giggles softly, dragging the tip of his shoe on the floor. ‘maybe...a bit. is that why you don’t wanna kiss?’ 

jaemin pushes mark off when he feels a tongue lick the side of his neck and just stares at the two of them. he really shouldn’t be surprised. jeno goes to mark to be reckless. that’s how the two’s relationship has always been. they knew deep dark things about each other but if jaemin asks jeno for mark’s birthday he knows right away that jeno would stutter. mark always had a weird infatuation with jeno and jeno held so much respect for the older that it led to a very weird relationship dynamic. 

he gulps and looks down at jeno’s shoes. he sucks in a small breath and lets it out; alright. time to be a hyung now. he can do this. 

‘jeno, shoes off. mark, take off your jacket and tuck your mask in the pocket. jeno, when your done, do the same. i’m gonna get you clothes.’ mark mutters something about honorifics to which jaemin shoots back sass, ‘when you show up to _my_ dorm like this, you don’t deserve to be called hyung.’ he makes a quick trip into jeno’s room and grabs new clothes for the two. when he exits the duo have done just as he said, both standing as they wait for new directions. 

jaemin motions for them to follow him to the bathroom after he shuts the living room light off. they both start to stumble which results in jaemin sighing before taking jeno’s hand and making mark hold onto his shoulder. after stopping to turn a couple lamps on for softer light, they make it to the bathroom and jaemin orders for both of them to get undressed. this isn’t his first rodeo with a drunk jeno and he knows what’s bound to happen so he always stays in the bathroom, just like jeno does on the occasional night when jaemin gets wasted. 

it’s when jeno takes off his shirt that jaemin’s eyes blow wide. there’s hickeys all over his collar bone and on his upper chest, each one surrounded by indentations of teeth. there’s a very obvious bite mark on his shoulder, bruised around the sides and honestly, he can tell just by looking at it that it probably hurt more than anything. he fists marks shirt and pulls it off in a hurry, scanning for anything that matches what jeno is currently covered in. there’s nothing except deep half moon indents on the tops of his shoulders. jaemin puts two and two together before he lets out a defeated sigh - it seems like everyone’s gonna get to sit down and talk out shit tomorrow. 

when they finish undressing jaemin eyes a bruise that seems to be blooming on mark’s upper thigh. he shakes his head and ushers them into the shower, already setting the temperature while they were dressing. 

‘jeno, you get washed first, alright? just make sure to hurry.’ jeno sends him a nod and starts to wash his hair, moving so mark can go under the water. ‘hey guys?’ 

both boys hum in response, ‘where’d you get those bruises, jen?’ 

jeno giggles - jaemin hates to admit it but jeno’s drunk giggle is completely adorable - ‘i got em from mark. i told him only one but he didn’t listen.’ mark’s eyes pop open at the last line and he makes a face at jeno which promptly shuts the younger up. jaemin goes to ask another question but is cut off when mark gags, pushing jeno out of his way as he steps out. jaemin already thought ahead and had lifted up the toilet seat in preparation for this - only he thought it’d be jeno instead. 

he’s brought back when jeno seems to catch up with mark, whining loudly when soap starts to leak into his eyes as he bends over in pain. ‘aw, jen. hang on.’ (drunk or not, jaemin will always have a soft spot for his hyung.) jaemin slides the shower curtain a bit to quickly rinse the soap out of jeno’s hair, narrowly avoiding him when he vomits again. jaemin clicks the vent on to get rid of the smell before drying his arms and checking on mark. the oldest is leaning against the toilet and trying to catch his breath. 

seconds later, jeno has tears in his eyes when he washes his body and it alarms jaemin to the core, ‘what’s wrong, jen?’ 

‘ah, nothing.’ his hands shake when they pass over his chest, touches light or not there at all. ‘jeno. the bruises. are they hurting you?’ he’s not even standing under the water.

jeno glances at mark who looks close to passing out against the toilet before locking eyes with jaemin and nodding softly. 

fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck!_

the older motions him closer and when jaemin gets there he whispers as quietly as he can, ‘i only said one because he kept telling me it’d make me feel better. we were kissing and that made me feel better but then he kept biting and biting and it really hurt. i tried to push him off but he told me that i just had to get used to it but it never felt better. i’m sorry, jaem. i know it’s bad and i know sungie is gonna be mad. he’s probably gonna break up with me.’ 

jaemin can feel his throat tighten up and tears prick his eyes as he remembers how absolutely innocent jeno gets when he drinks. all he wants to do is make people happy and mark probably bugged him until he gave in to make mark _happy_ and jaemin honest to god doesn’t think he should be left alone with mark now because all he can think of is to drown him under the shower head. jeno finishes up after jaemin whispers for him to and steps out into the fluffy towel nana is holding. 

jaemin wraps it tight around jeno’s waist before handing him his toothbrush with toothpaste on it. ‘brush them good, alright? if your mouth still tastes like sick, brush ‘em again, yeah?’ jeno nods quickly and goes to the sink as jaemin turns to mark. 

he makes himself calm down by stating that he doesn’t know the full story and that mark is drunk as well so that he can pick him up and not scratch his eyes out. he helps the older into the shower and tells him to wash up quickly. mark sees the anger and disappointment in jaemin’s eyes so he mutters a quiet apology, grabbing the shampoo and getting to work. 

jaemin walks back to jeno who’s brushing his teeth for the second time. jeno smiles at him, spitting the excess toothpaste out and reaching for the mouthwash. jaemin stops him quickly with a chuckle and pours it for him, smiling fondly when jeno swishes it around with huge cheeks. he spits again and smiles at jaemin, eyes hopeful. 

‘what is it, jen?’ 

‘can i get a kiss now? i’ve been good and i’ve listened really well-’ jaemin gives him a short peck before turning to the medicine cabinet above the toilet. he grabs out some antibiotic cream and alcohol spray. jeno seems to recognize the brown bottle, eyes growing in size. ‘no no no, jamie! those will make ‘em hurt more!’ jaemin shushes him, holding the side of his face gently. ‘we gotta make sure they’re clean, jen. i’ll be gentle, promise.’ 

before he can start, mark turns the shower head off. jaemin clicks his tongue and helps mark out, furrowing his brows when mark mutters that ‘i can put on my own towel.’

‘ah. you’re sobering up?’ mark blinks and nods, struggling a bit before he gets the towel to stay. despite this new found information, jaemin knew to his core that mark did his best to take care of jeno tonight. mark always liked jeno a little more than the other members and it was obvious in the way he treated him. jaemin is just hoping that they can figure this situation tomorrow quickly because if he finds out mark did this consciously he really will kill him. 

he readies a toothbrush for his hyung and gives it to him before moving back to jeno. he flushes the toilet and uses his foot to bring the seat and cover back down, motioning for jeno to sit down. the black haired boy listens and tilts his head back, letting jaemin get a closer look. he takes back calling them hickeys...these look like mark was trying to bite him like a dog. the indentations of teeth are deep and the bruises are purpling in the middle. he sighs and grabs the spray, giving jeno’s unbruised shoulder a squeeze before starting. 

jeno whimpers loudly when the spray starts bubbling on his wounds, ‘ahh~ jaemin, it hurts!’ jaemin shushes him gently as he wipes the first round of cleaning off, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. ‘i gotta, jen, alright? this one will be the last and then we can go to bed, yeah?’ jeno tears up but nods anyway, allowing jaemin to spray each bite again. he covers each one in cream before helping jeno put on his shirt. he helps the older get dressed in his bottoms before telling him to stand by the door. 

jaemin brushes his hair back and sighs as the humidity of the bathroom starts getting to him. mark finishes with his teeth after he sends a quick glance to jeno. jaemin helps him with the same things before ushering both out, making a mental note to come back in and clean before the others wake up. he throws a towel over each boy’s heads when he sees their hair still dripping wet. he’s gentle when he dries their hair, cautious of them getting sick again from the sudden movement. 

jeno stares at him drying mark’s hair before asking, ‘is jisung okay?’ jaemin sighs and deems mark dry enough before looking at his hopeful hyung. 

‘not really, jen.’ he sighs, ‘he’s hurt. i know he’s gonna wake up hurt and when he sees your...bruises, he’s gonna be more hurt. he’s hurt everytime you fight.’ 

mark clears his throat, ‘so’s jeno.’ jaemin sends him a look as he guides both of them into jeno’s room. ‘he doesn’t want to hurt sungie. that’s why he doesn’t tell him things - he’s afraid that he’ll get hurt trying to help jeno with his issues. he’s trying to protect jisung.’ jaemin chucks the towels in jeno’s hamper as said boy skips to his bed, falling face first into it. he seems to regret it pretty fast when he moves quickly to sit up and hold his tummy. 

‘are you gonna get sick?’ his voice is urgent and it sounds so much like his mom’s that he has to stop himself from cringing. jeno sits still for a while before shaking his head no, laying down gently. jaemin lets out a sigh of relief as mark chuckles - which turns into a quick groan when jaemin hits his arm. ‘do you think you’ll need the extra blanket, jen?’ jeno yawns out a no as he sits back up and extends it out to him. jaemin grabs it with a smile, pulling jeno close to the edge and giving him a gentle kiss. he’s well aware that jeno is still very drunk so he doesn’t let it last long, but he makes sure to smile wide to let jeno know how happy he is that he got home safe. 

‘lay down and rest up, alright? tomorrow is gonna be hard for you.’ jeno nods stupidly and crawls back up to the top of his bed. he clambers under the covers and blows jaemin a kiss before motioning for him and mark to leave. jaemin chuckles softly as he bids goodnight, pushing mark out as he turns the lights off. 

he shuts the door and lets the smile fall quickly, turning to stare directly at mark. mark raises his eyebrows in question, ‘what?’ 

‘you know what. explain what the fuck happened tonight!’ he throws the blanket on the couch and stomps over to start making a bed for mark. he doesn’t deserve a bed tonight. jaemin is aware of how often mark uses alcohol and weed to manage his emotional issues so therefore he’s also aware of how quickly mark lee can sober up. he knows mark was drunk when he entered the dorm and he is 99% sure mark was drunk when he started in the shower. but now that he’s thrown up at least four times and taken a semi-cold shower and brushed his teeth, there’s no excuse for mark to not tell him what happened. 

mark closes his eyes as he sits on the coffee table. jaemin sits across from him on the couch, waiting for something. anything. 

‘he texted me to meet up in town. it was before curfew and we just sat and talked, honest. he explained the fight and how he can see jisung’s side but he’s scared of hurting jisung with all of his burdens. he asked if he could get high and i didn’t see an issue with it so we to the dorm and smoked. afterwards i made him chill as it kicked in and then we went to a bar. uhh..’ mark rubs his eyes with the palms of his hands hard, ‘we kissed. nothing big because i kiss all you guys and you all still have the thing going on, right?’ his voice raises in concern and jaemin slowly nods, pushing the memory of how his first kiss was mark lee himself back so he can keep focusing. 

as of this past year it’s really only been exclusive to the dreamies that live back in the dorm. sure, haechan will kiss someone every so often but he’s more of a quick peck on the cheek and then cuddles. chenle receives more attention than he gives and they don’t really see anything wrong with it because when it’s needed, chenle is right there to help. mark...well, mark has always been different, right? he was the reason this whole thing started, back when haechan and he used to sleep over at the dorm constantly during promotion. it happened naturally, really, just with a couple nudges from mark telling the dreamies that it was okay to question yourself and experiment until you find what is right. 

what is right, it turned out, was that jaemin really likes kissing the other boys. and it seems that jisung, jeno, mark, and renjun feel the same. 

‘um, but i asked if i could mark him and he kept going on and on about how jisung would find it and freak out but i told him it’d make him feel a lot better and relax. he agreed to one and i gave him one. when i looked at him he was enjoying it so i tried to leave another one but that’s when he pushed me off. he said it was uncomfortable but i told him to give me a bit of time and it’d feel better. i gave him some more and he got into it - until i bit him too hard on his shoulder and he kneed me.’ 

jaemin rubs his forehead in confusion, ‘mark. if he was into it, what noises was he making? was he saying anything?’ 

mark nods and after a staredown with jaemin he realized that the younger was expecting him to mimik the noise. with flushed cheeks, mark mimiks the moans jeno kept letting out, throwing in the quiet mutters of ‘hyung’ before looking back at jaemin with innocent eyes. 

jaemin’s mouth hangs open because _oh my god how can mark lee be so dense?!_ ‘hyung. that wasn’t a moan! it was a fucking whimper! he was trying to get you to stop!’ jaemin stands up in frustration, pacing in between the couch and the coffee table. he really doesn’t know how the fuck to handle this situation because jeno is clearly a victim but mark wasn’t aware that jeno wasn’t into it and _UGH!_ he’s too tired for this shit right now. 

he stops and points at the couch, ‘i want you to go the fuck to sleep and we’ll handle this in the morning.’ mark nods wordlessly, eyes dead of emotion. jaemin sighs softly, sentimentality kicking in towards his hyung, helping mark to stand and get onto the couch. 

‘hyung. we’ll talk about it in the morning and figure all this shit out. right now i need you to sleep. that way we can talk in the morning.’ mark nods wordlessly again, turning to face the back of the couch. jaemin covers him up and walks off, plopping himself against the wall that separates his and jeno’s room. he brings his knees up and lays his head down, allowing his eyes to close and sleep to take over. 

this time, he wakes up to the sound of crying. he gets to his feet quickly and rushes into jeno’s room, flicking the light on and walking to the bed. ‘jen, jen, what’s wrong? i’m right here. it’s okay.’ jeno is sat up with his chest on full display, dried blood staining the front of his old white shirt. 

‘what hurts, jen?’ 

‘ah - everything. m-my head and my stomach. my entire chest - god, jaemin it feels like i can’t breath!’ jeno lets out another gasping breath and jaemin’s hands start to shake. he clutches his pajama pants as he listens to his best friend sob, feeling completely helpless. he registers the faint sound of footsteps before- 

‘hyung, what’s going o-oh my god! hyung! you’re bleeding!’ chenle’s loud proclamation is probably doing nothing for jeno’s massive headache. huh, neither is his own crying. oh-oh! 

jaemin suddenly clicks into mom mode, taking a calming breath before he turns his attention to jeno. ‘love, you gotta calm down. i know it hurts but crying and freaking out isn’t going to make it feel any better. take a small deep breath okay - squeeze my hand when it hurts.’ jeno manages a tiny nod as he grips jaemin’s hand, beginning to follow his breathing exercise. he squeezes with each intake and lets his grip loosen when he exhales. 

jeno starts doing it without jaemin’s guidance and jaemin seizes the moment to grab chenle’s attention. ‘i need you to get the cotton pads and alcohol spray from the bathroom. grab a bottle of water and ibuprofen too, okay? be calm, alright? hyung is gonna be fine. he just hurts right now.’ chenle ignores how aware he is that jaemin is talking down to him but he also finds it comforting. he leaves the room to gather the supplies, stopping for a second to stare at mark asleep on their couch. 

jeno has almost calmed completely down when jaemin smiles. ‘good, jen. i’m proud of you baby.’ jeno nods, for no reason really, just needs something to keep his mind off the burn that’s spreading across his chest as it seems to fight with the pounding in his temples. ‘i gotta take your shirt off, alright? it might hurt but i’ll be gentle, okay?’ jeno continues nodding and lets jaemin pull it off, gasping when the cold ac hits the bites. 

jaemin guesses it’s from rolling in his sleep and the friction bugging the fresh wounds. only a couple started bleeding but they’re all an angry red color so he can only imagine how much it hurts. ‘i gotta clean them again, jeno-’ 

jeno stops nodding and stares at jaemin like he has three heads, ‘no no no no! it’ll hurt! jaemin, please! they’re fine-’ 

‘jeno-’ 

‘NO! please, please, jaemin! no! i’m fine, really, i am!’ jeno is screaming right away and jaemin doesn’t stop him, aware of the sun shining and alright - _maybe_ he’s ready to get this talk over with and go back to their regularly scheduled lives. he feels guilty but he also knows that the sooner this drama is over, the sooner jeno will be able to actually sleep and heal these nasty looking bites. 

‘jeno. jeno - i know it’s scary and that it’ll hurt but we have to get it over with, okay? if these get infected, then what? i’d rather have you in pain for a few minutes than dead, alright? do you get it now?’ yes, jaemin is bringing the dramatics but it seems to get through to him when jeno sucks a deep breath in and lets out a hiss. the older nods softly as tears reappear in his eyes.

chenle hurries back in, eyes wide as he holds out the supplies. ‘ah, jaemin hyung! jisung slept with renjun and i in your bed last night and-’

jaemin takes the supplies with a confused look on his face, ‘what does this have to do with now?’ 

chenle sucks in a breath, ‘they both woke up when i got up! i don’t know if they’ll come out or not but should i-’ 

‘OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?!?!’ chenle jumps ten feet at jisung’s loud scream. jeno holds his head in his hands before he throws it back, pain shooting through his upper chest when he curled in on himself. jaemin notices how much he’s shaking while holding the bottle of alcohol spray and pauses to calm himself. 

jisung’s chest is heaving, face unreadable, ‘jaemin what the fuck-how-what happened?!’ jaemin throws the bottle down on the bed when jeno starts to softly cry again at the sight of jisung. he marches out of the room and slams the door, staring at chenle and jisung. renjun comes from the kitchen with two glasses of water, setting one silently down on the coffee table for mark when he wakes up. (how he’s not awake yet, the world will never know.) 

he looks at how angry jaemin is and pulls jisung and chenle back a step.

‘i. do. _not!_ not! have any time for you guys to scream at me while i take care of this mess! he got drunk and now he’s in pain and since none of you are willing to put fucking grudges behind you I HAVE TO CLEAN THIS UP! give me an hour and we’ll be out! someone wake mark the fuck up and you-’ his eyes settle on jisung - ‘get ready to go easy on your boyfriend because he’s been through shit and he probably doesn’t even remember any of it happen! you-’ he switches his gaze to chenle - ‘get pain meds for mark ready because he won’t feel any better than jeno and you-’ jaemin’s eyes somewhat soften when the meet renjun’s, the older boy already aware of how this morning was going to be full of hangovers, ‘keep these kids from killing mark. thank you.’ he takes the glass and goes back into jeno’s room, surprised to see him already calmed down. 

‘jeno, i need you to take some pills for me, okay?’ jeno nods, first taking the water and chugging over half of it. ‘hey, easy, easy! here.’ he hands the pills over and jeno finishes them off with the water. he moves to grab the alcohol spray and sets it up on the bedside table, happy to see chenle used his common sense and grabbed the antibiotic ointment and cotton pads. 

jeno eyes the supplies nervously, cup held tightly in his grip. ‘we gotta do it, jen. i know it hurts, i’m sorry.’ 

‘no. i’m sorry because i was overreacting. let’s get it over with. i’ll be fine.’ jaemin looks over jeno slowly before nodding, grabbing the spray and ever so carefully spraying it onto each bite. jeno whimpers when the sting hits but other than that he focuses on keeping calm, deep breaths in and deep breaths out. jaemin cleans up the dried blood before throwing the cotton pads away and applying the ointment. 

‘there. all done. not so bad.’ jeno nods, hand going up to hold his forehead. ‘yeah, i know your head hurts. you got really drunk.’ 

‘how drunk?’ 

‘do you remember anything from last night?’ 

‘not yet.’ jaemin chuckles at his friend as he finishes cleaning up. 

‘then that’s how drunk. you better start thinking because we are due to meet the boys in the living room. we all have to talk.’ jeno shrinks back, anxiety settling deep within his chest. 

jaemin’s ears perk up when he hears a sudden yell followed by commotion. he walks over to the door and opens it, gasping when he sees renjun struggling to pull jisung off of chenle who’s blocking a now wide awake mark. there’s a bruise blooming around his eye and by his lip, more than likely caused by the feisty maknae. 

‘renjun! i thought i told you to keep them from killing him!’ he grabs around jisung’s waist and pulls him off, moving to sit on his legs. jisung throws his fists, screaming, ‘let me go! he did this to jeno! why are you fucking defending him?!’ 

‘wow. what happened to the jisung that didn’t even want jeno in his bed last night?’ 

‘people change, na jaemin. now get off me!’ jisung’s tone is full of malice and it makes jaemin scoff. 

jeno creeps out of his bedroom, chest on full display. the bites are still an angry red; irritated from the cleaning. the middles are a darker color, clearly bruised and hurting. jisung can’t stop looking at them, eyes filling with tears. he stops pushing at jaemin and locks eyes with his boyfriend, cheeks flushing out of habit. 

‘hyung. are you okay?’ 

jeno nods and walks over to the couch, waiting for chenle to move before sitting down. jaemin gets off the youngest and falls into one of their recliners, tiredness catching up with him now that his adrenaline is slowing down. 

mark feels thankful when chenle sits back down and blocks the view of jeno’s chest. his head is pounding and his face hurts thanks to the lovely wake up punch the maknae threw at him moments ago. he stays quiet though, knowing he doesn’t have room to complain when it’s his own fault he got in this mess. he bundles up the blanket he used last night and sits in on the other side of himself, awkwardly reaching for the cup of water and pills set in front of jeno. 

jeno notices and makes a noise, grabbing both and handing them over to his hyung wordlessly. ‘ah..thanks, jeno.’ 

renjun and jisung make their way over to the last recliner, the younger sitting on the edge and fixing mark with a glare. it takes a couple minutes of silence to pass before chenle claps his hands, ‘alright! so who wants to start!?’ 

both jeno and mark visibly wince at the volume of the almost maknae’s voice, hands going to their temples quickly. jaemin rolls his eyes and motions for chenle to bring it down, sighing when the blonde sticks his tongue out in reply. jisung clears his throat softly, ‘hyung; i’m not mad at you anymore. i thought about it and talked it over with chenle while hyung slept last night. i get that you’re scared of me getting hurt and burdened and i promise that i’ll try to stop bugging you so much about telling me things. just..please try and understand that i worry a lot about you. i worry about everyone i love and i want you all safe so that’s why i push so much. i’m used to knowing what people are thinking but you keep things from me and it worries me alot.’ 

jeno blinks and smiles small, ‘well, thanks for understanding, sungie. i promise to try opening up a bit more - i know it’s gonna be hard so...please be patient with me, okay? but i’ll try for you. to make you worry less.’ jisung smiles and flushes dark - moment getting ruined when chenle gags out loud. ‘disgusting. you guys are horrible.’ 

the older pushes chenle, laugh leaving him easily. it warms jaemin’s heart to see the famous eye smile after such a rough night. he clicks his tongue however when he realizes just how quickly nosung made up. theoretically, the next conversation wouldn’t be needed at all if they just made up like this yesterday. he shakes his head - no point in griping about it now. 

mark stands up and walks over to the other end of the coffee table, letting out a shaky breath. he looks over to jeno, ‘jen? do you remember anything yet?’ 

the black haired boy nods small as his smile leaves him, memories jumping to the forefront. although not good for his image - with the amount of times jeno has gotten drunk, he’s conditioned himself to remember things fairly quickly. he closes his eyes to try and envision them more, ‘i remember calling you and walking somewhere. i remember being really upset and then really sad. we-holy shit!’ he sits up taller, eyes blown wide. ‘we got high.’ 

the two youngest member’s eyes grow wide, both staring in shock at mark. huh, seems like the hyung line has kept a lot of information about mark from the babies. ‘h-hyung! you could get arrested for that!’ chenle says, panic and shock clear in his exclaim.

mark nods, ‘i know, lele. but i’m really careful about it, i promise.’

chenle looks like he’s not done speaking about the matter so mark cuts him with a harsher than intended, ‘anyway...all jeno has said is true so far. we met up, talked about the fight, got high and then we went to the bar. we got pretty drunk before i uh...well, i kissed him. just to make him feel better and….maybe for myself as well. i-i wanted to give him some comfort and well...i guess i took it too far.’ he clears his throat as he glances at the markings before hanging his head, ‘i started kissing his neck and after he realized what was happening he pushed me off. he told me he didn’t want-’ 

jeno’s voice is clear - ‘quit lying.’ 

mark lets out a small breath, ‘jeno-’ 

‘quit. lying. that’s not what i said.’ mark looks quickly over to the younger, face clenched as he processes what’s being said. jeno is looking directly at him, eyes pleading. 

‘jeno, stop-’ 

‘i don’t wanna lie anymore.’ his voice is tense as he clearly holds his emotions back. he switches his gaze to jaemin, ‘i lied to you last night in the shower. i let mark do this. it was 100% consensual. we...we used to do things like this. way way way before jisung and i started dating.’ 

jisung sucks in a deep breath as jeno starts addressing all of them; ‘a couple weeks after we all started being affectionate with each other, mark asked if it was okay if we went further. i was okay-’ 

‘like sex?’ renjun’s voice breaks through for the first time and it makes jisung’s heart race. it can’t be sex; jeno’s a virgin. told jisung one night when they were talking about _maybe_ going a bit further than kissing. he wouldn’t lie to him. 

(jisung chooses to ignore how jeno just admitted to lying to all of them. nope. doesn’t count.)

jeno shakes his head quickly, ‘no. just..like hickeys and stuff. things that would help get hormones out.’ its a weird thing to say but all the members understand; it only took weeks after the agreement between all of them for the usual tense atmosphere to fade away. ‘but, like i said, we stopped. it helped me a lot though - helped me truly find out i’m gay as shit.’ 

the remark was supposed to hopefully make someone laugh and cut through the tension. it’s unsuccessful. 

jeno gulps, ‘um...yeah. so when we went out last night and we kissed. he started kissing my neck and i pushed him off. but..i told him how much i missed when we would give each other hickeys. it seems so stupid now but hyung taught me so many things and he made me actually _feel okay with myself for the first time so-_ ’ 

‘so you thought it was okay to cheat on your boyfriend.’ renjun’s jaw is clenched as he holds jisung’s hand, glare set hard on jeno. jisung glances at renjun before he looks directly into jeno’s eyes and pulls his hand away slowly from his chinese hyung. 

‘he didn’t cheat. keep explaining, hyung.’ jeno’s jaw must’ve dropped open because seconds later chenle is pushing it closed, eyes judging as he mutters a short phrase in chinese. 

jeno ignores it and tries to remember where he left off; ‘ah-right. um, we talked about it and i told him he could leave some. he, uh, he bit my shoulder too hard so i kicked him and that’s when we stopped.’

jaemin waits a bit after he straightens up to confront jeno. those “hickeys”, as he calls them, are making him super confused but judging by the look mark gives him, he decides to shut up and not bring attention to it. he clears his throat to grab the attention of the room, ‘so...everything last night was a lie? were you even drunk?’ 

mark raises his head, ‘tolerance is a thing, na jaemin.’ jaemin has no idea what that means and pulls a face - something that apparently was funny to jeno. he chuckles softly, grabbing nana’s attention, ‘not completely drunk, but very close. getting sick was..uh, really real. the pain was real. the only thing that was fake was our stories. we needed to stay alert enough to not let it slip we were lying.’ 

jaemin nods, trying everything to keep his jaw from clenching. how jisung was acting so sane was beyond him - he’s beyond pissed with the knowledge of his two best friends lying to him. renjun doesn’t seem much behind, if his grip on the recliner’s arms are anything to go by. 

there’s silence for a while. they continuously glance at each other, waiting for someone to open their mouth and start the arguments that are bound to happen. 

it’s jeno - _of course it’s jeno_ \- who grabs everyone’s attention with the clearing of his throat. he’s looking right at jisung, both of them staring directly into the other’s eyes. the older’s eyes are tinting a darker pink as time passes, a small sniffle making it clear what’s about to happen. 

jisung’s emotions were always clear - all someone had to do was look at his eyes. it leads him to having a lot of hurt in his life but he endures it, stating he’d rather feel things than block emotions like others. (the hyung line always takes offense.)

jeno’s breaths in deep before he speaks. it’s directed at jisung, who has yet to break eye contact. ‘i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i hurt you so much and you don’t deserve that. at all. you deserve someone who can open up and let you in and doesn’t _hurt you oh my god i’m so sorry-_ ’ jisung makes his way over when jeno starts to break down, plopping himself right onto the older’s lap. 

he cups his face and doesn’t phase when jeno turns as he tries to kiss him. _‘please, sungie no-’_ jisung shushes him, pulling him close when he starts shaking. chenle has scooted away, letting them have as much privacy as he can provide. everyone is staring at the maknae’s back in furious curiosity. 

jeno’s sobs fill the room and it’s then that it hits jaemin - it’s so much more than just last night. it’s more than the markings and jeno not letting jisung in. it’s more than what mark and jeno used to do and _it’s more than him being caught in a lie._ he’s in so much pain and he’s taking it out in ways that will only hurt him in the end. he wants this pain - he somehow thinks he _deserves it_. 

mark moves slowly, touching jisung’s shoulder gently to get his attention. the younger shows no anger, just listens obediently as they guide jeno back into his bedroom. the door shuts behind the couple as mark comes back and sits on the couch next to chenle. 

‘just...wait a bit. once jisung is back i’ll explain things.’ renjun and chenle sit back and start conversing in chinese quickly. jaemin meets the older’s eyes and he softens his gaze, accepting mark’s small smile of apology. just as mark said, jisung returns ten minutes later. there’s a wet stain on his shirt but no one points it out, letting him sit on the arm next to chenle before looking at the oldest expectantly. 

he holds onto his promise and explains just what jaemin was thinking. he grimaces when renjun yells at him for ‘biting jeno like a rabid-fucking-dog’ but the chinese hot-head seems to calm down when mark explains why jeno would ask for such things. chenle tears up and claims a spot on jaemin’s lap happily when the older opens his arms. jaemin helps calm him down as mark explains that he selfishly kept going with it because of how in love he was with jeno. 

jisung doesn’t act shocked so jaemin can only conclude that jeno must’ve been aware and told him at some point. jaemin is feeling super dumb - because that honestly makes everything make _so much more fucking sense._

renjun sighs and drags his hands down his face, stopping to cup over his mouth. it’s muffled but they can roughly understand him saying, ‘i’m so fucking done with this family.’ 

jisung laughs, nodding along at the statement. ‘i am too, hyung. you get used to it, believe me.’ 

with everything (mostly) cleared up, the boys slowly go back to doing their daily activities. it dawns on jaemin that today is a free day for all of them until around lunch time, when he realizes that every single one of them is still in the dorm. renjun and chenle shouted something along the lines of ‘shower’ a couple of minutes ago so jaemin suspects they’re in the bathroom by now. he only has to walk to the doorway of the kitchen and lean against it to see mark curled up in the corner of the couch, blanket held tight around him as he watches a movie. it makes him look years younger and incredibly innocent - as if this afternoon and last night never happened.

he’s still quite angry at the fact that they lied but he _thinks_ he understands why. mark got caught up in his feelings and jeno thought he still deserved the pain and while jaemin would’ve handled the situation completely differently, he can - at least somewhat - understand why jisung is not that angry. no one is entirely at fault; therefore he is neither mad at his boyfriend’s ways nor his hyung’s complicity because of romantic feelings. 

he makes his way over, chuckling a bit when he feels mark jump under his arms as he wraps them around him. he rests a hand over mark’s heart, nuzzling his nose against the crown of his head when he feels how fast it’s going. he rubs the older’s chest gently, hoping it’ll get him to calm down. 

‘jaeminnie?’ jaemin hums in response to the nickname, focusing on counting the beats of his hyung’s heart. ‘are you mad at me?’ 

he continues to count for a second with a smile before pressing a soft kiss to mark’s head; ‘not entirely, hyung. angry about the lying but..i don’t know. i think i understand the rest.’ mark nods shortly, hands going to intertwine with jaemin’s. 

‘do you miss being at the dorm?’ 

mark blushes at how quickly his response leaves his mouth. sure, he’ll get a cuddle or two from a hyung if he begs but it’s nothing compared to what he gets just by walking in the door here. it makes him feel safe and warm inside, cuddled up close to another member and maybe kissing from time to time. he misses it terribly when he has to return home and part of him really wanted to request to move back in once chenle left, but he felt like it wasn’t his place. he treasures his time here and after this morning he honestly thought i was all going to end. 

jaemin tightens his arms for a short hug before rounding the couch to sit next to his hyung. he grips his hand and smiles, ‘are you tired, hyung?’ 

‘i could always use extra sleep, minnie.’ jaemin pulls him up and guides him to the hallway closet, letting go in order to grab down an extra blanket. 

‘what are we doing?’ 

‘going to join jisung and jeno hyung.’ 

mark steps back, ‘i-i don’t think i should do that, jaemin.’ jaemin rolls his eyes as he turns back around, shutting the door to the closet quietly. 

‘they really won’t mind. i promise. please, hyung?’ mark gives in the moment jaemin flashes him puppy eyes. god dammit he’s too weak. 

the door opens oh-so-quietly to reveal the boys cuddling. jisung is tucked under jeno’s arm, the younger’s arms wrapped around jeno’s middle protectively. the bites don’t look as irritated as this morning (jaemin supposes sleep has helped with that) but the bruises are very much still evident. it’ll take two weeks max for them to even fade into what normal hickeys are supposed to look like. 

the couple are both so skinny that they only take up the middle of the bed - leaving the perfect amount of room for the rest of the members. it’ll be a little snugger since they have an extra member but they’ll make it work. 

jaemin guides him to the side jisung is on, helping him climb on gently and quietly. he follows him onto the bed and they settle down, jaemin wrapping his arms around mark’s chest and legs intertwining with another’s. mark spreads the blanket over top of them both and smiles small, pulling jaemin a bit closer. they fall asleep like that, breath in perfect sync with jisung and jeno. 

chenle and renjun join them shortly after their shower and if jaemin wakes up a couple hours later to notice two small bruises blooming on the duo’s necks, he doesn’t say anything. he only lays back down, cuddles closer (if that’s even possible) to his hyung and lets sleep take him under again.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it, please give me feedback! feel free to hit me up with any questions or concerns; all my accounts are linked below!! thank you for reading!! <3
> 
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